He's becoming a man

My son told me he asked a girl out.  As in, to be his girlfriend.

I gasped.

He's not quite yet 14.  A girlfriend?

We've chatted about this on many occasions.  I've always told him it's ok to have a friend that holds a little more of your heart than another, but that he had time to get serious about one girl.  I reminded him that whenever you're in a romantic relationship you give a piece of yourself away, and it's best to keep all of himself for his forever girl.

I shared with him my mistakes at a young age.  Mistakes I don't want him to make.  Regrets I don't want him to have.

Deep breath.  Slowly exhale.

So it's finally arrived.  Manhood.  And I'm having to let go a little more.

He shared with me that she, like him, wants to be a doctor, and that like him she loves cooking. She cooks for her family every night; and watches the cooking channel all the time. He shared with me her dream to one day own a cafe, while she practices medicine.

He told me he prays for her.  That they discuss Jesus and the things of God and encourage one another to live their lives His way.  He told me how he counselled her about a bullying incident: to love the one who bullied her because that's Jesus' way. But he encouraged her to stand her ground; that bullies are powerless when confronted. He told her he wouldn't allow her to get hurt.

He shared all this.  And my tears flowed.

He's leading her.  Teaching her in the ways of the Lord.  As men are to lead their women.

I've always encouraged him to take his place of leadership where he can.  When he's the only, or oldest, man in the house, or wherever we may be, he takes the lead and prays for us.  Men were created to lead.

My heart is full.  Years of prayer. Of sacrifice. Of doing it alone. It's bearing fruit.

I had him when I was 24.  I had been surviving for years.  His dad and I were in a relationship, but we were unmarried.  We'd been together for five years by the time he arrived.  I had travelled a little and had come back home to study.  I was one of three selected by a large law firm to start work in the new year.  Things were looking promising. 

I remember it clearly.  I had given my life to Jesus in October, and in November I found out I was pregnant.  In that first week of decision making many suggestions were made, including abortion.  The facts were real: you're not married, you're still studying, you're going to lose your job before you even begin it, no medical aid.  It was a long list of fear.  But in the deepest depths of my heart a voice gently whispered "no".  When my friend who had first taken me to church called with urgency and, before I even had a chance to sit down, said "Jackie, God wants me to tell you not to kill your son", I knew.  That was the answer; I would have him.

My prayer was simple: "Ok. I don't really know You, but if You want me to have this child, You must look after him."

And He did.

After speaking to my future employers, choosing to tell them the truth, they decided to keep me.  I had a job, I got medical aid and a month before he arrived, his dad and I married.  

I started a journal and wrote him love letters.  So many love letters. I was teaching him about life before his first breath. I put earphones over my belly and shared with him my favourite music.  I talked to him all the time.  

Just over a year ago, he found that journal and asked if he could read it.  It had been my intention to give it to him when he was 16 - when he could understand with the depth of his heart - but I agreed to give it to him then.  He wept at those words.  Knowing how much he was wanted.  How dearly he was loved.  

When he was born, like Hannah, I gave him back to God:  "He's yours; Your son."

“So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” - 1 Samuel 1:28

He's not without fault.  I know his flaws well.  Through the years there have been challenges, but I've never been alone.  Christ has never forsaken me. He has remained ever faithful.

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” - Deuteronomy 31:8

And when the struggles overwhelm, I'm reminded of His goodness to me, and I humbly say, "Take care of my boy; Your son."

And now, today, as I'm learning to let go, I am reminded of His faithfulness, that my son belongs to Him.  That I trust Him because He has been by my side always.

He was with us then.  And He's with us now.

And He's with my son, as he's becoming a man.