Walking through

Battles. Challenges. Hardships. Trials.

We all have them.

Some of them linger and go on for years.

Perhaps it's a marriage, perhaps it's a home yet unfinished, a lack of patience, a temper you keep trying to master but somehow it gets away from you, lack of finances, a child that's ill, the loss of a job, friendships that have ended, family feuds. Perhaps it's wanting to be content but just not getting there, or maybe because it's just never enough. Maybe it's the mundanness of everyday things.

Life as it is right now.

Trials.

They're difficult to endure.

I don't like them.

And I've generally tried to pray them away.

Tried not to think about it too much. Not talk about it too much. Not look at it so much.

Or just hold my breath...until it's over. If it's ever over.

I've struggled through.

 

The Scripture, James 1:2-4, is one I find a comfort and strength in times of trial, but I've struggled with the part which says "Consider it all joy".

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Desert experiences aren't made to be pleasant. They're filled with challenge, discomfort, pain. But there's something about being in the desert that the Lord finds of use. For His glory and purpose.

1 Peter 1:6-7
"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Trials. A time of refining.

Until I see Me reflected in you

Until I see Me reflected in you

Until I see Me reflected in you

The truth is there's always going to be a trial.

And sometimes it feels like you've come out of one and go straight back into another one.

So instead of praying it away, I want to start praying that God will make me strong. I want to pray that He will equip me for the day that will be difficult; the day that will bring me to my knees. I want to learn to lean into the refining fire because I want to be changed.

I want to be all He sees in me to be.

Knowing He loves me. Knowing He has a purpose. Knowing He has a plan.

And then I'll be able to count it all joy.

Loving when it's messy

I have this dream that started stirring up in my heart about two years ago.  With time, the desire to make it a reality has increased. And though there are practical obstacles in the way at the moment, the biggest one has been my heart. I've been challenged.

So here's the dream: to have an extra bedroom in my home for people in transition. Maybe someone who's had some bad luck and has nowhere to stay while they're in-between jobs or the like.  A place where they could come and be part of a family - not a perfect family, but a family nonetheless - where they could have room to breathe, be loved, be strengthened. A place where they can get back up on their feet and go out and fight the world again.

But here's the thing about dreams: they're generally rose-tinted.  

Reality on the other hand tends to be messy. And messy is uncomfortable. 

I recently read a book called Kisses from Katie. I highly recommend everyone reads it because it is a testament to the faithfulness of God to do wondrous things with what we have and are willing to give Him. Today. Right where we're at. Regardless of financial position, the home you live in, the car you drive; all those things we think are important. Reading Katie's story confirmed my dream for me. 

I don't want my faith to be about going through the ritual of going to church on Sunday, meeting on Wednesdays for Bible study, and then doing it all again next week. Those things are so important in the life of a Christian. But there's more to this walk with Christ.

My life has to be more about Him and less about me.  It has to be more about who He is and so much less about what I want.

I want to do what Jesus says.

We're living in a world filled with broken and damaged people. I am one of them. But I have been redeemed by grace! And though I'm not whole yet, He has done wonderful things in me. I'm so grateful Jesus interrupted my life because He cares about me. Because He thought I was worth it, my messy and uncomfortable is now a testimony of His goodness and faithfulness. 

That's part of why He came isn't it? For the broken and damaged? And surely He's called us so that we could be more than just comfortable? So we can show His heart?

I want to get uncomfortable. And you?

PS: The Scripture card I've created can be clicked on and saved as an image which you can then print and put up wherever you'll be encouraged to read it and, most importantly, memorise it. I've tried to make it pretty because I'm a real girl that way. I hope you'll find it a helpful resource.

I want to thank you for taking the time to comment. Each time you do, I recognise you're leaving a piece of yourself here and it blesses my heart so. Thank you so much.

Silence

There are times in my life where I go very quiet. In a sense, I withdraw. Pull back. Shut out. 

It gives me space.                               To think.                               To listen.

The noise and demands of the world and my life become too much.

I can give. no. more.

And all I want to do do - need to do - is just sit at the feet of my Lord, and be quiet.

Those times for me bring so much needed refreshment. And they also bring much needed direction. I'm so grateful He's given me ears to hear.

“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.” – Mark 4:9

In the quiet, in the listening, I am filled with truth. Sometimes painful truth. And always truth that requires obedience.

And here's the thing I know. I know that if I obey, if I do what's being asked of me, I will have a miracle. A testimony. A healed heart.

So why fight it?

Because truth be told some things are difficult to obey. Just obey, not even immediately obey. And so I digest, I ponder. Ok, if truth really be told, I rebel.  Because what I've been asked to do isn't easy. Everything in me is saying, "BUT...".  Yes, my pride steps in and boldly states its case.

I've been in that place.                               In the middle.

You know, the place between knowing what you must do - what you need to do - and actually doing it. And if I want the ending, I know I must first die to self.

So I've been quiet.

And He's been gracious.  He's been patient.  He's been gently leading.

And I've decided, I will obey.

Because I love Him more.

The next few posts will be on some of the truths He's been teaching me.

I'm walking toward my miracle.

When He asks

When He asks...you do.  Whatever it is.  You have a choice of course, but not really, you know?  Because who in their right mind, once they've come to know Jesus, would want to ever live life without Him?  And if you're given an opportunity to do something for Him - even if it means it'll cost you more than you imagined - will you do it?  I mean, wouldn't you want to do it?

I've been faced with such a choice.

He has asked me to lay down my life for another.  And by that I don't mean dying for someone - not in the literal, physical sense - but dying to me.  My hopes.  My dreams.  Giving up my heart desires.

And trust Him.  

So He can do what He needs to do in that person's life.  And mine.

It's been difficult.

You see, I made a decision that was years in the making; years and years of neglect will eventually lead you to a place where your heart grows cold.  A place where the thought of this being your life.forever.is too much to bear.  It wasn't an easy decision either.  There was so much to consider; remembering that it wasn't just about me.  I've come close before - to the decision - but somehow always held back and tried again. But this time. It was enough.  I was done. 

Jesus came and spoke.  

Initially I couldn't hear clearly because my heart was in turmoil and my head so tired.  But I persisted in seeking Him; and He faithfully answered.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Only the answer wasn't what I hoped.  At least, not now; it would've been two months ago.  But not now; I'd crossed THE LINE.  The timing was all wrong.  

But He spoke. And I heard.

I've been fighting it. What He's asking. Wrestling with Him.

I haven't had peace.  

Until...
I said ok.  Have Your way.  I give you this broken heart, and trust You with it.

I won't lie: I'm not overjoyed, but I have peace and that for me is worth far more.  It means I made the right decision.  It means He is with me. 

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” pHILIPPIANS 4:7

I don't know how it'll all play out, and truth be told I'm struggling to let go of my desires {and my hurts}, but I know that He is in control.  That He has my life in the palm of His hand.  I know He will work it all out for my good. 

I know He doesn't just fix things.  He makes them new.

So, I'm holding on.  I'm trusting in His goodness; in His grace.  I'm choosing hope.

Disclaimer:  All the images contained in this post are not my own.  If you have copyright to them, please contact me and I will remove them immediately.